dynamite moated by bleach

my happy is yellow
my sad is deep blue
my angry is blood red
my inspired is see-through
but unlike my words,
my moods are far from clear
my life is a high speed chase
and I feel chained to the rear

“STOP” I scream
a tear rolls down my cheek
“I DON’T WANT YOU HERE”
i morph, becoming weak

yet each day I paint
my eyes bigger, my skin pretty
my smile present, my heart alive
i conceal my anger, blending it in
until there’s too much and it breaks,
my cover way too thin

a flame starts burning, a wildfire takes hold
alight for days until I’m left alone in the cold
“i need someone, I need anyone”
but they’ve left my ashy side
“who wants to be friends
with the electric current?” I cried

so I break into shards
tucked in bed much too tight
i sleep and sleep and sleep
nothing in me left to fight

‘there is no reason to it all’
i yell to the sky,
the match won’t catch
‘there is no reason to even try’

but I will get back together
i always, always do
the fight inside dead
so I cast it upon you
those who were hidden a bit out of frame
straightening my pillow, you’re now in my aim

“i hate you”
you don’t let those words get through
“you hate me”
that one, I knew it would hurt you

i’ve forgotten the blue
all I see is red
you tread so lightly
not wanting me to turn on myself instead

but you know what? I will
i’m your favourite Vaudeville
stay away, try another day
i might stop making myself ill

but you know as well as I
i’m dynamite moated by bleach
messed-up, manipulative, macabre
i’m just a blood-thirsty leech

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